Today is another one of those "moving on" kind of days. Another day that says we're growing up and getting bigger every day and have come so far already. Exactly 14 months from the day Oliver was born, we used the very last bottle of the milk that I had pumped while he was in the hospital. I never thought I would ever be able to use it all. Was devastated when I knew I couldn't donate it because I had been on blood pressure medication. And was so excited when I realized I could use it with baby cereals, but still never thought I would use it all. I still can't believe that just in July we were using only a half an ounce a few times a day for oatmeal... then as he wanted more we were using a whole two ounce bottle a day. Then he would go on strike and it was only once a day.... then back to twice. And back and forth until we settled on oatmeal for breakfast, the whole 5Tbs serving size of it, using a whole 2.5 ounce bottle at a time. And suddenly, I could see the bottom of the last bag in my mom's freezer and the end was in sight, what a bittersweet feeling!
This time almost exactly last year, on the day he was transferred to Mount Washington:
This is what they sent over to the new hospital from the NICU, but this wasn't anywhere near all of it. My freezer was full, my mom's basement freezer was full, and there were still four more weeks to come of bottle twice this size. It was madness. But getting there was even madder!
I won't lie, pumping was miserable with a capitol M and lots of exclamation points!!!! Thirteen plus weeks of practically slaving over it, finally giving up on pumping in the middle of the night, spending my money and sometimes my mom's on trying to find ways to make it feel better, finally finding some relief when Veronica lent me her spare Madela electric... it was a roller coaster to say the least. BUT, all that being said.... Oliver is still nursing to this day and I couldn't have gotten there without that experience. And if I thought pumping was hard, when he finally came home the transition to full time nursing was the whole ride all over again.
I could not have done it without the support I had. Kathleen was the lactation specialist at Franklin Square.... she had faith in me that I could get through. And initially that was all I needed, was someone behind me saying I was doing great. Her voice stayed with me even through the transition to Mount Washington where lactation support was less than available.
Then, if Veronica hadn't been willing to let me have her Madela, sure I might have made it through, but not as strong as I did. The last weeks with transitioning to nursing were hard enough as it was. The stress of hearing "supplement", "he has to wake up and eat" even though he didn't want to, "breast milk is only 20 calories and that's not enough for him to gain weight" that was all hard enough. I needed the relief of an excellent pump, or maybe I just believed that Madela was better than anything else out there and so it worked because my mind said it would, to get me through all that in one piece. Even looking back on everything, the fact that Nate set up a "station" of sorts in our bedroom....a chair in front of the tv, a bed stand to keep the pump on... even that was a little something that got me through and sometimes I look around the bedroom and can't believe it's been a year since it was like that!
Then there's the small fact that Oliver wouldn't take a bottle. Boy was he just not interested! And did the hospital ever want him to be! I can understand why they had to push the way they did, it's their protocol.... but he just wasn't having it and neither was I. I guess looking back I had to go through all that to get where we are today... To the last bottle in the freezer and a still nursing 14 month old!
Sure, he'll still get his oatmeal in the morning.... but it will be with that half gallon of whole milk in the fridge (note the tone of sketchiness in which I say 'that half gallon' lol). No more putting a bottle out to thaw the night before, no more having to heat up the water extra because it didn't thaw all the way when I forgot to put it in the fridge soon enough, no more running over to my moms to get more out of her freezer, no more being attacked by one flying out because we just went grocery shopping and the freezer was too full. After several boxes and two reusable grocery bags, donating a bag of the newer stuff to my friend, and using handfuls for "attempts" to get him to take a bottle, here we are! Tomorrow when I pour the first bottle of whole milk, I think it might hurt a little. This was an era for us... and all I knew for three months out of last year. It will feel like something's missing for a while. But hey we have our freezers back now, silver lining right? ;) And goodness was it a triumph. A battle well fought and won. Definitely something I can look back and feel good about! And my have we grown up through it all!
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